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Parenting Right in the Middle Series Kickoff Draws Large Crowd of Parents of Tweens

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More than 140 parents of tweens (grades 5 through 8) braved the cold last Wednesday evening, December 3, to learn more about Warmhearted-Coolheaded Parenting at the Bainbridge High School Commons. The event, which was the first in a series called Parenting Right in the Middle of several evenings planned to support parents of kids in this age group, was offered by a partnership among Raising Resilience, Hyla Middle School, and the Bainbridge Island School District and funded by a grant from the Bainbridge Community Foundation.

The presentation featured presenters Karolynn Flynn and Kathie McCarthy introducing a model of parenting called Intentional Parenting. Flynn and McCarthy presented the research and science behind this approach that combines warmth, support, stability, emotional responsiveness with limit-setting and parents’ own self-regulation.

This event was the “lecture” of the series. Events in January, February, and March will be more like the “lab” Flynn says, “Information doesn’t change us; practice does.” She explained, “The kick-off was an effort to provide the parents with a map of the territory of parenting tweens. In the next events, we’ll practice strategies that can help parents build confidence and effectiveness as they journey through this territory with their kids.”

Presenters reminded participants of the positive outcomes parents can expect from the tween years and reasons not to wish this stage away. McCarthy said, “The process becomes more manageable when we remember we really do want our kids to become adults —and they need our help.”

A video of Dr. Wendy Mogel (author of The Blessing of a B-minus) gave parents a chance to laugh at themselves and glean a perspective on parenting and over-parenting.

One parent described the event as an “Excellent program. Love the combination of head and heart. The speakers are very good at projecting the hope embedded in their project, which is so helpful for parents dealing with tweens and teens.” Another put it more succinctly: “Wow! I laughed so hard but learned so much.”

Participant Bonnie Albin Fraik, a parent of an 11-year-old, said, “What was most valuable and struck a chord was when one of the speakers asked us to look around. [She said,] ‘The people that you see in this room are your community and they are here with the same intention to raise our children in the best way we can.’ My hope for future events is to continue to build community and specifically for me, to learn how best to give the space for my daughter to talk to me.”

Flynn echoed that intention: “Having the support of other parents going through the same stage is incredibly helpful. You’re not alone in it, and it’s not just about your child being a reflection of you.”

Intentional parenting by Katherine JohnsParents who didn’t attend are welcome to jump in for upcoming sessions: Four more events are planned for January, February, March, and April. And throughout this school year, participants will receive weekly e-mail messages that include “TIPs,” or Tools for Intentional Parenting. These messages will also be posted on Facebook and the Raising Resilience blog. Included in these TIPs will be responses to questions and concerns raised by participants in the program.

McCarthy said, “We need strengths and skills that will help us in times of conflict—the very time when we are most likely to forget everything we’ve learned about good parenting.” The two women will continue to offer practice in these strengths and skills in each of the next three monthly events.

The final event on April 11 will be a half-day workshop with three expert presenters on topics of interest to parents of tweens.

Parents, educators, and adults who work with kids are encouraged to sign up for the e-mail TIPs or follow along online.

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Featured photo of Karolynn Flynn and Kathie McCarthy by Tracey Peacoe Denlinger. Other photo by Katherine Johns.


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